Amelia Bedelia, meet Walker Risenmay

One of my favorite series of books growing up was about a capricious and fun character named Amelia Bedelia. For those of you who have not been introduced to these 'classic' stories, she was a woman who took everything literally and turned everyday cliches and sayings into silly reality. But she was also a woman of many talents, so at the end of her stories, she seemed to work her way out of possible trouble or unemployment thus always redeeming herself. Perfect fodder for the child reader. Well Amelia Bedelia, meet Walker Risenmay, a boy who takes everything... literally. (The following are all true stories.)
Story 1: It was the morning of Walker's first baseball game. We had a good 15 minutes driving to the fields so I thought it was the perfect opportunity for some last minute parental coaching. "Walker, now after you hit the ball, where do you run?" My exacerbated 5 year old answers, "First base." "Good, now if you hit the ball really hard, you might be able to run to second base as well, so make sure you listen to the coaches, they'll tell you when to run."
The game is begun and it's now Walker's turn. He chokes up on his bat and swings mightily. Over the head of the second baseman it goes. A perfect double (in little league at least.) So Walker runs as fast as he can to first base, but then stops...(not a problem, it's just a single and it's only T-Ball, they don't exactly take stats yet.) So, standing on first he starts staring at his coach while the next batter takes his swing. It's a grounder to third. His teammate, the batter, starts to run as fast as he can to first base where Walker is still standing, and standing, and waiting, and staring at his coach, the batter is almost there, when Walker yells nervously at his coach "Can I run yet?"
Yep, he's a good boy alright, he literally wouldn't run until his coach told him to, just like I had told him in the car. And despite this obedience, he actually made it to second base safely (little leaguers don't exactly know how to pull a double play.)

Story 2: Walker's second baseball game. He chokes up on his bat, and swings mightily once again. A great pop fly that drops a few yards behind second base. He runs as fast as he can to first base, but this time he knows to listen to his coaches. "Keep running Walker, keep running!" yelled the coaches. So he did. Right down the line, over first base and continuing in a straight line into Right Field. He kept running alright but not to second base...just in a straight line. To his credit, he did 'keep running!'
And like the story before, he made it back to first base safely, it was just the long way!

Intermission: Story 3: Aubrey's second grade teacher is pregnant and about to have a baby. She was explaining to her students that she would have to leave the school year early due to the fact that over the weekend she had to walk a long way to her son's baseball game and began to have serious contractions. Aubrey and her classmates exchanged inquisitive looks amongst themselves and then finally asked, "Contractions, Mrs Luna? Why would walking a long way cause you to combine words?"
(Hint: The Grammer Definition of Contraction: a word formed from two or more words by omitting or combining some sounds. The Pregnancy Definition of Contraction: pains that cause the patient to combine sounds and words not appropriate for young ears.)

Story 4: Back to Walker, and yes, I've saved the best for last. It's of course baseball again and Walker is playing shortstop (between second and third.) The other team has players on 1st, 2nd, and 3rd base. The batter hits the ball toward third base when the the third baseman (Walker's teammate) goes after the ball....Walker just stands there as a spectator.
Not long after and during the next play, Walker starts slowly walking all the way across the field toward the dugout. He's sad, gloomy and about to burst into tears, but trying to maintain his dignity. One of his coaches intercepts him close to first base and asks him what's wrong. He calms Walker down and slowly escorts him back to his position, on the other side of the diamond. After two more batters, the game ends. I immediately walk over to Walker and asked him what happened. Walker looks at me sadly and in a hushed tone whispers, "My Coach told me to go home." I paused to think and then it occurred to me.
Holding back laughter, I explained to Walker (who was wondering why I found this exchange so humorous) that during the previous play, the coach had directed him to "Go Home" meaning to not stand there watching the play but to go to Home Plate and try to tag the runner out. Poor distressed little Walker thought that his coach had told him to literally Go Home, so he began his confused and emotional walk of shame across the baseball field, not knowing what he did that made his coach demand his departure. It was confusing to him and his spirit was deflated, but once I explained it to Walker, he understood and began to smile. "So my coach didn't want me to go home?" I then walked him over to his coaches. They asked me if everything was okay with Walker, (they didn't know why he tried to leave the field either,) and I explained with a smile that the coach told Walker to "Go Home." The coach then looked at Walker wide-eyed and sheepishly realizing his words said, "Oh! Walker I just meant for you to Go to Home Plate!" Walker was relieved to hear it, and all was well again!

After these stories I think it's fair to say, Amelia Bedelia you have nothing on Walker!